Don't Call Me Lils
by madcap writer
Summary: Severus Snape was not awkward. He was not clingy, or manipulative, or cruel. He was her best friend. And then he was stupid. A Lily/Severus friendship story. A Lily/James romance story. Mostly cannon.
1. The Early Years

**Pre Hogwarts**

* * *

They were back at the playground.

Petunia hadn't wanted to come in the last few weeks. She didn't want to run into _that boy_ again. She didn't like the funny way he dressed or moved. She didn't like the way he hid in the bushes. She didn't like the fact that he wouldn't play with anyone. She didn't like the way he stared at her little sister. She especially didn't like that he clearly didn't like her.

Petunia remembered when the Snape family moved into the neighborhood. Her mother had gone over to welcome the family to the area but returned not ten minutes later. Petunia overheard Mrs. Evans telling her husband that the woman was quiet and awkward to be around and when the man came to the door, he practically slammed it in her face. Petunia didn't like that.

So she convinced Lily that they shouldn't go to the playground for a while. Just in case that boy came around again. Lily agreed without question. To her it was another game that Petunia had come up with for her. Find something more fun to do than the playground. Lily loved a challenge.

For the next few weeks, Petunia and Lily played pretend in their back yard, went swimming at the public pool, or hide-and-seek in the house. At first it was great; they needed nothing but each other to pass the time. But they were getting bored. They missed the jungle gym and the swings. The missed racing each other down the slides.

"Tuney," Lily said one day.

"Yeah Lils?"

"Let's go to the playground." She suggested slowly, already knowing Petunia's opinion.

"Oh, Lily, I don't know. What if _he's_ there again?" Petunia said.

"But we haven't gone in _ages_. I don't think he'll expect us to be there. Please?" Lily looked up at her sister with big eyes.

Petunia scrunched up her nose, considering the situation, "Fine. But we're leaving the second he shows up."

"Absolutely," agreed Lily. She actually didn't know why they had to avoid him. She just knew that he said something that sounded like something mean to Petunia, and he made Tuney uncomfortable, so she didn't push it.

The girls walked side by side to the playground. Their summer sandals made scuffing noises every time they took a step. Petunia seemed painfully aware of this noise, along with Lily's suddenly loud chattering and her own obnoxious breathing. She thought that even if the Snape boy was across town, he would have been able to hear them with the racket they were making. But he never appeared.

Once they got to the playground Petunia was on high alert. She checked every tunnel and slide and park bench. He was no where to be found. She was still cautious when she began to play with her little sister but soon loosened up. After half an hour, she had completely forgotten about the boy during their race to the swing set.

The girls had been enjoying themselves for an hour when Petunia left for the public restrooms set a short distance from the park. Lily was waiting for her on one of the benches when she spotted a boy, dressed in rather odd clothing, dejectedly walking the sidewalk past the playground. Lily soon recognized him as the boy they had met before.

"Hey!" she called out to him. He didn't turn. Lily slid off the bench and marched over to him. "Hey!" she said again, closer to him this time.

He looked up, surprised.

"Why did you say those mean things to my sister a while ago?" Lily asked angrily.

It took Snape a minute to form words. Lily stood there with her hands on her hips, tapping one foot. He finally spoke, "I really wanted to talk to you about the stuff you were doing. She wouldn't let me."

"That's still not a reason to call her names." Lily said.

"But I had to tell you about," he looked around and lowered his voice, "_magic_."

Lily's eyes became wide as she remembered what their first conversation had been about. Until now she had only bothered to remember the part where he insulted her beloved sister.

"What did you say?" Lily asked, also lowering her voice.

"Magic. You're obviously a witch, but I didn't want to wait until you got your letter so I told you now. I'm so tired of being the only magic person around here and then I saw all the stuff you did and I knew you couldn't be a muggle, so-,"

"What's that? You called Petunia that. It sounded awful." Lily asked with narrowed eyes.

"It just means that she's not magic. It's just the truth." The boy answered, trying to undo his past offense.

"Oh… I guess there's nothing wrong with that." Lily reasoned. She looked at him with a uncertain expression on his face, "All that stuff I can do, is it really magic?"

"Yeah!" he answered enthusiastically, "Do you know anyone else that can?" not waiting for an answer he continued, "And when we're eleven we go to this school called Hog-,"

"LILY!" Petunia shrieked across the playground.

The pair turned around to see Petunia staring at the two, shocked. She then came to her senses and marched over to them.

"We have to leave now," she said, giving a look to Lily.

"Oh, Tuney, it's alright. He didn't call you anything mean." Lily said cheerfully.

"What do you mean? Of course he did, you heard him!" Petunia sputtered.

"No he didn't. He just called you a-," she paused.

"Muggle." The boy supplied.

"-muggle. That's all. It just means that you're not magic." Lily explained like as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Lily," Petunia sighed, "_Nobody's _magic. You know that."

"That's not true! I am!" Snape said defiantly.

"Then show us!" challenged Petunia.

"I can't."

"Ha! See Lils, he's just trying to trick us." Petunia said, starting to pull her sister away.

"No! I can't because I don't have a wand. I only do magic when I can't control it. When I get really frustrated or scared it just bottles up and then," He made a motion with his hands, "explodes out of me."

"That's just tosh. Come on Lily." Petunia said, pulling her sister again. But Lily was completely stationary. She was staring open mouthed at the boy in front of her.

"Tuney," she said slowly, "That's what happens."

"What's what happens?" the elder asked impatiently.

"Whenever weird stuff happens to me. That's how it works. Like when I get really mad, and doors bang open without me touching them. And when I'm really excited and I can jump really high. Or when the Peterson's dog was chasing me and suddenly I was over our fence and on the front porch. It was _exactly _like he said!" Lily said excitedly, "There's this weird energy inside me and then it's gone, and stuff happens."

Petunia didn't know what to do. Her sister was suddenly making a connection with this strange boy and she didn't have any idea what they were talking about.

"We still have to go, Lils. Mum wants us home." Petunia lied.

"Oh. Okay." She turned to the boy, "We'll be back here some other day. We can talk more then. What's your name?"

The boy was surprised that she wanted to talk to him again. It took him a second to answer her, "Severus. Severus Snape."

"I'm Lily Evans." She told him as Petunia was dragging her away.

* * *

When Lily and Petunia got home that night, the younger told their mother about the boy on the playground. She left out the magic part. Mrs. Evans always got really concerned when odd things happened to Lily.

"I'm glad you two are making friends." She told Lily, "I'm sure that boy is lonely at home."

So with her mother's ringing endorsement, Lily went back to the playground a lot that summer, taking Petunia with her. Lily and Severus soon became friends because of their similar talents. They often passed the time swapping stories about all the strange things they had done. Petunia, however, made no effort to get along and Severus did the same. After a few visits, the elder sister refused to go meet him. Lily soon found herself dividing her time between her sister and her best friend. She didn't mind, she reasoned that some people just didn't agree with each other and she was going to have to live with that.

* * *

About a year after Lily had discovered the truth from Severus, a professor appeared on the Evans' doorstep and confirmed what she had already known. Her father was thrilled; his daughter had an incredible power and even better opportunities because of it. Her mother was relieved; she now knew what was happening to her daughter and no longer speculated the horrors that it might actually be. Her sister was defeated; she had been telling Lily for a little over a year that it would never happen and that boy was only setting her up for disappointment. But now those statements were shattered. Her little sister would be leaving her and going off to some far away fantasy school with the creep down the road. She felt betrayed. By Lily or by Fate, she didn't know.

She tried to rectify the situation. She wrote a letter to the school clearly explaining why she needed to go and be with her sister. She was rejected. Ashamed, Petunia threw the letter on the floor and cried into her pillow. _I bet she won't even think I'm good enough for her anymore, _Petunia thought angrily, _Well, she's the one that not good enough for me. She's the one that has to go into hiding because of what she is._ Immediately she felt bad for thinking that, but she couldn't shake the thought from her head.

The idea remerged from her subconscious when Lily came back from her school supply shopping. She had seen Lily's new robes and immediately wanted to play with them. They were perfect for dress-up.

"No!" Lily had almost shouted when Tuney suggested the idea. She finally had something that was all hers, not a hand-me-down from Tuney, not something that anyone else in the family had, and her sister had wanted to _play_ with it, "these are real clothes Tuney, not costumes."

When Petunia wanted to hold her wand, Lily really did shout.

"NO! That's really special! I don't want it to get dirty before school." Lily had said, snatching the box away from her sister.

_She thinks I'm not good enough to hold it! _Petunia thought, _She thinks she too special to play with me anymore. _

"Fine, I it's not like I actually care!" Petunia shouted before storming out the door. That was the first time she had yelled at her sister and not apologized for it. The next day they were nice to each other, each acting as if the other hadn't said anything to offend, but the unconditional confidence in each other was gone.

* * *

Lily began to spend more and more time with Severus and less and less with Petunia. This was mainly because Petunia became very cold towards her every time she mentioned Hogwarts, and Severus couldn't stop talking about it.

* * *

When Petunia saw the magical platform for the first time, her jealously mounted to an unbearable load. She saw the happy students and the proud parents and knew that she would never be a part of that.

The final straw was when Petunia found out that they knew about the letter. That's when she let it slip, that word that ruined their relationship forever, _Freak!_

By the time she began to regret it, Lily was hundreds of miles away.

* * *

**AN: This is Pre-Hogwarts. The First few years will either be a series of really short chapters or one really long one, but I really want to show the friendship between Lily and Severus as a good one. So there will be a lot of L/S moments in here. However, this is a Lily/James romance! Updates should be frequent.**


	2. The Good Years

**They were eleven**.

Lily stared around her in awe. Her supreme confidence from the train was gone. While scenic landscape passed by their compartment window, Severus and Lily talked excitedly of the adventures they would have and the magic they would learn once they got to school. She couldn't help but enthusiastically fantasize about her wonderful new world. She didn't think it would be hard. It wouldn't be too difficult. After all, Lily Evans was a witch, magic was in her blood. How could something she was born with be hard for her? Now, Lily wasn't so sure.

The uneasiness had started when the first years were called by a giant man. Then she saw the self guided boats. Next came the huge castle. Even walking into the entrance hall unnerved her, the candles were _floating! _Hundreds of them! Floating! The first years were then addressed by a full grown witch! She told them that they were about to be _magically _sorted in front of the _whole school!_ Lily couldn't believe how sharp she had felt earlier. Now, surrounded by a building filled with magic, Lily felt very small and weak. Compared to the wonderment around her, Lily's old swing-set performances seemed nothing more than parlor tricks.

"Sev," Lily nudged her friend next to her as they walked toward the Hall's doors. Both stared straight ahead, petrified.

"Yeah Lils?" he answered in a shaky voice.

"You nervous?" she asked, equally unsteady.

"Nope." They both knew he was lying.

"Good." She said, "Me neither." A moments hesitation, then, "We're gonna stick together," she said firmly, mostly to herself.

"No matter what," He assured.

The doors opened. The two eleven-year-olds both took a deep breath and walked into the room.

* * *

**They were twelve**.

It was mid-November and Lily and Severus were in the library working on essays.

With a groan, Lily let her head fall onto the book in front of her. There was a sigh and then incoherent mumblings.

"Pardon?" Severus said.

Lily lifted her head up and looked at him, "I think I just died of boredom."

"And you're alive! How extraordinary." He said with amusement.

"Ha. Ha." She laughed sarcastically. "But really! How are we expected to write _two feet _on the _theory _of a charm when the book doesn't even spend half a paragraph on it! There's only so much elaborating we can do you know! Are we supposed to pull that information from our-"

"Lils!" Severus said loudly. She snapped out of her rant and looked at him sheepishly. "I get your point. You can stop the tirade."

"Okay." Lily mumbled. She sat for a moment and then looked at Severus with big eyes.

He saw her pleading look and rolled his eyes. "Fine," he sighed, "I'll distract you." Severus turned towards her and held out his hand.

"Yes!" exclaimed Lily as she engaged him in a thumb war. Lily had introduced the game to Severus before they came to Hogwarts. It had quickly become a favorite between them. They usually played whenever they were bored and felt like talking. It made for great conversation filler.

"So," Severus said as the battle started, "What's the drama in the tower now?" Lily's three roommates were very friendly, but very vivid characters. The slightest things could set them off. Lily and Severus often talked of the trivial spats they got into.

"Oh," started Lily, "Melissa said that he said that she said something and now of course, Audrey and Samantha aren't talking. You know, the usual." She finished with an indifferent tone and a smirk.

"Fascinating." Severus commented as his thumb trapped Lily's.

"I can't keep up with them half the time. By tonight they'll probably- Hey! You cheat! – they'll probably be 'BFFs' again and move onto another fight by the morning." Said Lily, half paying attention to the conversation and half concentrating on her thumb.

"What an exciting life they must lead. What a pity we can't be that entertaining." Severus said sarcastically.

"I can only imagine how disappointing we must be to our peers." Lily played along.

"Shame on us."

"So how are we gonna finish this ess- Ah HA!" Lily jumped as she won the latest thumb war.

"Shh! Quiet!" Madame Pince snapped at them as she rounded the corner of the shelf. All around them different students looked up to see Lily standing with one arm raised in victory.

Lily sat back down, "Sorry." She was blushing as she pulled the book back in front of her. "Shut up Sev!" she hissed at her friend as he snickered.

"I was wrong, Lils, you do provide entertainment." He spoke trying to repress laughter.

She stuck her tongue out and went back to her essay.

* * *

**They were thirteen**.

It was the first quidditch match of the season and Lily and Severus were not attending. They were not absent voluntarily. Contrary to popular belief, the two students enjoyed watching the game. They weren't as obsessed with it as everyone else seemed to be, but they had nothing against it. Lily and Severus were not at the stadium because they were in the hospital wing.

The two, along with several of their classmates were stranded at the school due to a potions prank courtesy of the Gryffindor boys.

The day before, as the rest of the class was busy working on the assigned potion, the four boys started suspiciously moving away from their table. Remus and James left under the impression of getting more supplies from the cupboard while Peter and Sirius went to talk to some students in the far corner of the class. Suddenly, their cauldron started spewing and splashing neon green liquid. Many were hit and soon found they could not move the affected areas. Students fell to the ground as their legs gave out under them. Quills, wands, and ingredients were dropped when hands and arms became useless. The funniest results were those that were hit in the face. Eyes would close and not open, half the face would show emotion while the other couldn't.

Slughorn siphoned away potion but it was too late. The damage had been done.

"Very funny. I hope the culprits have enjoyed this while they can. Now, tell me, who did this?" He demanded.

The criminals were soon revealed as four boys burst out laughing and came forward to collect their detention. James looked especially pleased with himself.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," he said, turning towards the class, "We are honored that you have participated in the first prank created by _the Marauders_." And just like that, the four friends became infamous. Word of the prank had spread like wildfire throughout the school and the boys were instantly known by the name they had given themselves.

Now, Lily was sitting in the bed without use of her feet or ankles. It felt so foreign to not be able to control her own body. She concentrated on the muscles as hard as she could, but try as she might, her feet did nothing.

"Sev," she called. He was in the bed to the left of her, both of his arms immobile.

"Lils," He responded.

"Whatcha doin?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

"Picking daisies, Lils, what do you think?!" He snapped.

"Sorry." She was surprised by his aggression. "What's wrong with you?"

"Really, Lils? You have to ask?"

"Right." She said. She looked down at her feet, hidden under the clean white sheets of the hospital bed. "You know, it was just a joke. Madame Pomfrey will give us the antidote and we'll be off, good as before."

"I know. It's just really annoying. I wasn't particularly fond of them in the first place." Severus sighed, "I've got a feeling this won't be their last prank. We'll have to watch out for them." He said seriously.

"Oh Sev, please, they're harmless. I hardly think we need to be worried."

"Lils, you can't move your feet." Severus pointed out to her, "This was just their first prank."

"Yeah. Whatever." Lily mumbled. There was a short, uncomfortable silence, then, "Hey Sev," Lily said slyly.

"What Lils?"

"I could totally kill you in a thumb war right now." she smirked.

He rolled his eyes and laughed.

* * *

**They were fourteen**.

As the Marauders walked down the corridor, James spotted his favorite prey. A Slytherin. His mind immediately ran through his favorite jinxes. He was going to choose a classic; the jelly legs curse, but James saw a fellow Gryffindor walking next to Snape. Not wanting to accidentally hit her with the curse, he simple stuck out his food as the boy walked past. As planned, he tripped and dropped all the books he was carrying.

From the floor, Snape shot a tripping jinx at James. He was soon lying in the exact same position as Snape. Sirius, being the loyal friend that he is, fired a hex in Snape's general direction but missed and hit Lily.

"Hey!" she shouted before dropping everything and fighting back.

Soon all four Marauders were throwing spells at Lily and Severus and they were hurling them back.

"_Expelliarmus!" _James shouted at Lily. Her wand went flying behind her.

"Agh!" Lily groaned as she scrambled after it. She picked it up and spun around, ready to cast the next curse when she realized everyone else was frozen. Lily soon saw the reason why.

Professor McGonagall couldn't believe what she was seeing. When she heard the racket outside of her classroom she didn't expect to find six teenagers dueling each other in the middle of the hallway. Among them Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, and Severus Snape; some of her best students.

"What is going on here?" she demanded. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted saying them. Every student was offering their own explanation and she couldn't understand any of them. "Silence! I don't care why this happened because all of you are getting detention regardless. Dueling is strictly prohibited at Hogwarts. I'm very disappointed in all of you." She looked especially at Lily and Remus. "See me in my office tonight at seven to receive your punishment." The look on her face told them this wasn't a suggestion. "Now, I suggest you leave for class as the bell rang five minutes ago." She stood outside her classroom door and watched them to make sure they left.

As soon as they turned the corner Lily started laughing. The boys looked at her with concerned faces.

"Um, Lils," Severus said, "You okay?"

"Yeah," She said, still chuckling, "It's just, that was so much fun! We've talked about duels in DADA all the time but I never thought they could be so exhilarating! Granted, you were total idiots for starting it," she looked at James and Severus with annoyance written on her face, "but that just brightened my day a little bit. Nice aim, by the way." She said to Remus.

"Uh. Thanks?" Remus responded.

"Whatever. You do know we've got detention." Severus told her as they broke away from the others.

"Yeah, that is a bit of a downer." She sighed.

The Marauders watched Lily and Severus walk away in bewilderment. Sirius started walking in the other direction, shaking his head, "That girl is something else."

"Who would have thought Evans could fight like that." Said Peter as he and Remus followed.

James, however, stood there, staring at the pair, "She thought dueling was fun." He said bemusedly. Then, like Sirius, James shook his head and turned towards the others, "Hey! Wait up!"

* * *

**They were fifteen**.

It was the summer before fifth year and Lily and Severus were exploring the woods adjacent to their neighborhood. The sun was hot that day and the shady trees had looked inviting. Before they knew it, Lily and Severus were stumbling around the underbrush.

"Hey." Lily called, "Look at this." She pointed to a little creek that was trickling water passed them.

"Yeah. Water. Wow." Severus said, unimpressed.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him. "Come on. Let's follow it."

"Sure, 'cause that'll be exciting."

Lily had already traced it several yards, "You're holding me back Sev," she called, "Catch up!"

After walking next to the stream of water for a few minutes, they came to a little pond.

"Hm." Lily looked at the pond appraisingly.

"What?" Sev asked.

"I just wonder how deep it is." She said with a strange smile.

"Why do you want to kno- Oh no. Lily! Don't!" He exclaimed, but it was too late, before he could stop her, she swiftly pushed him into the muddy water.

He stood up, dripping wet, glaring at her. Lily threw her head back laughing. Her laughter turned into a scream when Severus grabbed her ankles and pulled her in with him. When surfaced, he was wearing a very satisfied look on his face. They both tried to hold their glares but one look at each other sent them into hysterics. They were fully clothed, soaking wet, and caked with mud and grime.

Still laughing, Severus pulled himself onto the shore while Lily floated on her back. She was staring up at the trees, admiring the way the leaves looked in the sunlight when a bird flew overhead. Lily was reminded of the owl that was at her window this morning.

"I got a letter today." She said.

"Uh huh," said Severus, not really paying listening.

"It was from James Potter," said Lily.

This got his attention, "What's he writing you for?"

"I don't really know. He was just saying 'Hi' and wanted to know what I was up to this summer. It's really weird to hear from him." She said confusedly.

"Weird." Severus mumbled, "I can't stand Potter."

"Yeah, I've picked up on that actually." Said Lily, raising her head.

"He hexes me, insults me, and that name he calls me. That gets under my skin." Severus grumbled, "_Snivillus. _I don't even know why I care. Any other name I could probably ignore, but that one, it's personal. I wasn't even at Hogwarts before they pinned that one on me." Severus finished bitterly.

"I know the feeling." Lily sighed.

"Oh please. You're Lily Evans. Everyone loves you. What have you ever been called." He challenged skeptically.

"Mudblood." She said simply.

"Ah." Severus said, humbled, "That one."

"Yes. That one. I don't even care who says it. It hurts." She said, still staring at the sky, "It always brings up those thoughts that I'm not good enough to be a witch."

"Oh, Lily, you shouldn't think-"

"I know I shouldn't think it." She said, before he could go any farther, "I know I am good enough, but it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming. That one word means I don't belong to either world; muggle or magic. And sometimes," she sighed, "it really feels that way. Like I've missed so much of wizarding culture that I can't catch up but I love it too much to go back to the muggle world." She swam to the shore and pulled herself next to Severus. "Stupid prejudices. Against blood, against houses. They're all stupid."

"Agreed." Severus said with a distant look on his face.

They sat there for a while, staring at the swirling water, listening to the forest around them.

"So," Severus said slowly, "Are you going to write him back?"

"Who?" asked Lily distractedly. Her mind was elsewhere.

"Potter." Severus spat out the name.

"Oh. I don't know. Probably not." She mused.

Satisfied, Severus stood and offered her a hand. She took it and he pulled her up. They walked back to their houses slowly, occasionally muttering something, but not really paying attention.

* * *

**So next chapter is going to be the start of fifth year. I'm moving slowly after this. Probably a few chapters a year. Hope you enjoy. Please Review.**


	3. The Turning Year

Platform 9 ¾ was, as it always was on the first of September, crowded and busy. Lily stood with her parents and reluctant sister gazing around at the hustle and bustle. Friends called out and ran to each other after the summer separation. Parents were giving their children last goodbyes and pieces of advice before they left. Students who had already farewelled their families were scampering about the train and platform.

Lily smiled as she started to feel the magic energy in the atmosphere. Lily turned towards her parents and gave them heartfelt hugs, "Bye mum, bye dad. I'll see you at Christmas."

"Don't forget to write," Mr. Evans said sternly, but with affection.

"And don't get into too much trouble," warned her mother tearfully while adjusting Lily's hair and coat.

"I promise, I'll only get into just enough trouble," Lily smiled.

"That's my girl," Said her father.

"Oh! You better get going Lils, your train leaves in five minutes!" exclaimed Mrs. Evans.

"Bye Tuney," Lily said awkwardly while giving her sister a hug. Petunia returned it stiffly. Lily released her sister and turned away from her family. She pushed her way through the hectic crowd and reached the train just as the warning whistle sounded. One final wave over her shoulder to her family and Lily Evans was on the train and off to Hogwarts.

As Lily walked down the train, several of her classmates called out greetings from their compartments. She waved and replied enthusiastically, unable to hide her excitement. Lily loved her home, but she always felt slightly out of place. It had been this way for as long as she could remember. Even when she and Petunia had been best friends, Lily always felt like she needed more than her home had to offer. That feeling was first relieved when she got her letter and then disappeared when she was with other witches and wizards.

After a few minutes of searching, she found Severus already settled in a compartment. He was sitting lazily with his head leaning against the window, watching the landscape outside become more blurred as the train picked up speed.

"Hey." She said cheerfully as she slid the door closed behind her.

He turned his head away from the window and grinned. "Hey." He said, "Was I imagining things or was Little Miss Petty here to see you off?"

Lily scowled, "Don't call her that. And, _yes_, Petunia did come. Mum made her in one of her attempts to get us to reconcile."

"I can see it worked spectacularly," said Severus.

"My mum really shouldn't bother. Tuney hardly speaks to me when I'm home, even then it's to point out how strange the things I do or talk about are. I really think our relationship ended the day I left for Hogwarts four years ago." Lily sighed, "She just can't stand how different I am. Petunia hates the fact that I'm the only thing not in line with her idea of a perfect life."

"I highly doubt she thinks her life is perfect." Severus said with a flat look on his face.

"She used to be nice," Lily muttered, looking down, apparently not hearing her companion speak, "She used to be my best friend," She said while fiddling with her watch.

"Don't worry about it Lils. At least you've still got m-"

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed staring wide-eyed at her watch, "I have to go!" She jumped out of her seat and hurried towards the compartment door.

"What? Where?" cried Severus.

"Prefect's meeting!" Lily called as she left the compartment. Severus was left alone, looking after her retreating figure.

Lily rushed back down the corridor of the train, bumping into several people's shoulders and calling hasty apologies as she continued on. When she reached the Prefect's compartment, she paused and tried to catch her breath. Once she felt composed enough, Lily opened the door as quietly as she could and slipped into the little room, trying not to draw attention to herself. As Lily turned around and saw the room, she realized she needn't have worried. About half the other new prefects were still missing.

_I guess even Hogwarts' best can't even show up on time, _Lily thought bemusedly to herself. She watched the rest of the students trickle in recognizing some and not others. When a sandy haired boy entered a few minutes after she did, Lily could not repress her surprise.

"Remus?" She asked with a puzzled smile on her face, as he sat down beside her.

Remus rolled his eyes at her obvious doubt, "Don't look so shocked Lily, who else were they going to give it to? Sirius?"

"I guess you were the only option for the job, but still, do they think it wise to give that much power to a," she paused, "_marauder?" _she rolled her eyes as she exaggerated the last word.

"Lily," he said quietly as the head boy called everyone's attention, "The moment you find another fifth year Gryffindor boy, tell me, I'd be happy to give the title over. You have no idea how much grief I've gotten for this." He tapped the badge on his chest.

Lily smiled to herself as she imagined the other boys' reactions. The most infamous rule breakers in school finding out that their best friend was a prefect was just too comical. Suppressing a laugh, she turned her attention to the Head Girl's explanation of patrol schedules and detention authorities.

The meeting was dismissed and Lily made her way back to the compartment she had left Severus in, again returning greetings from fellow students as she walked down the corridor. When she reached it she was surprised to find that Severus wasn't there. Lily looked at the trunks sitting in the rack above the seats to make sure she had found the right compartment. Sure enough, they were still neatly stacked above her head. Lily figured he had gone to the restroom or to change into his robes. Pulling out a book, she settled herself into her seat to wait for her friend to return.

Half an hour had gone by and he had still not returned. Lily started to become slightly concerned. She was certain that nothing serious could have happened to him but still felt apprehensive. Deciding she would look for him on her patrol, she uneasily went back to her book, her eyes constantly flicking up to the door.

An hour later, she changed into her robes and was patrolling the train. Lily quickly glanced into all the compartments with the blinds open and found Severus in none of them. She looked to her right – there were a few first years, to her left – those were some third year Hufflepuffs, she moved on a bit further. That one held two of her roommates, the next the Marauders, the compartment opposite was filled with seventh year Ravenclaws…

_Wait, _she told herself, _the Marauders?_ Lily backtracked and opened the glass door to their compartment. "Boys." She greeted coolly. All four looked up surprised. Remus and Peter's game of exploding snap went off in their distraction, covering them with soot from the destroyed cards.

"Evans." Sirius responded.

"Did you guys do something to Severus today?" she asked, looking carefully at their faces. She was sure that a smirk or a glance to another would be all that she would need.

Again, Sirius was the first to respond, "You mean, did we voluntarily force ourselves into company with a greasy Slytherin? No, Miss Evans, we did not."

Lily did not look convinced.

"Look, Lily," James started, "If we _had_ pranked the git, our accomplishments would be proudly displayed somewhere and you would have known about it in an instant. Your not being able to locate him proves that we have done nothing against him." He explained as though to a five year old.

Lily rolled her eyes. It made sense, the Marauders always did like to show off their accomplishments, but she still wasn't sure. Lily turned to the most trustworthy of the four, "Remus? Tell me the truth."

"No Lily, we have been perfect angles all morning." He answered calmly.

After searching their faces again through narrowed eyes Lily finally decided they must be telling the truth.

"Fine." She sighed, "I believe you. I'll see you at the feast then." She finished slightly exasperated. Lily turned and left the compartment. She once again started her search, trudging past several compartments before she was joined by someone. James had followed her out and was now walking by her side.

"Evans, I never got a reply to the letter I sent you." He said lightly.

"No. You didn't." Lily stated, just as light.

"Could you tell me why?" James asked suavely.

"Because I didn't write one." Lily replied, a little cheeky.

"I gathered as much, but could you tell me why you didn't write one." He said, now a little impatient.

"Because I didn't want to." answered Lily.

"You're being evasive," pointed James.

"I'm being honest," countered Lily, starting to get annoyed. She tried to keep cool and collected.

"Come on, Evans, just tell me why it was so hard to pick up a quill and pen me a little note." James said.

"Because, James, I'm not very fond of you." She said, and continued before James could ask the obvious question, "You tease, hex, and torment my best friend for no reason whatsoever," she turned towards him, "And I realize that you think 'Slytherin' is reason enough, but it's not. It's possibly the stupidest excuse I've heard. Now, excuse me, I have to go find said friend." With that, she turned in the opposite direction and marched off.

James, however, was not to be put off. He easily caught up with her and stepped in front, blocking her way.

"See," he said, pausing for effect, "I don't really believe you."

"And what makes you think I'm lying?" Lily asked annoyed, crossing her arms.

James smirked, "I've just got a sixth sense about these things," he ignored her eye roll and continued, "I think you didn't write back because you didn't know what to say. You were so nervous that you would write something dorky that you chose to not write at all."

"And why would I be nervous about writing to you?" said Lily exasperated.

"Because you like me." James sated simply.

Lily's aggressive demeanor broke as she burst out into laughter, "Keep living in that fantasy world, James. Tell me how it works out."

James looked surprised at her response but took it in stride, "But you know you do. I-"

"Lily!"

Both turned their heads in the direction of the call. It was Severus. He was standing in the corridor several yards away from them. His eyes were quickly flicking from James' arrogant stance and Lily's laughing face. The small black orbs showed obvious distaste.

"Severus!" Lily called with relief, immediately rushing forward to him, leaving James forgotten, "Where were you? I've been searching the whole train."

Severus however, was looking over her shoulder at James, "What's he doing here?" He asked Lily.

James heard anyways and responded, "_He_ was just talking to Evans here before you interrupted."

"But our conversation was over, so it didn't matter. Goodbye James." Lily said quickly, sensing there would be a disruption if it went any further. She turned and pulled Severus along with her towards their compartment.

"So," Lily started after they had moved a short distance, "Where were you?"

"Oh, um, I figured you would be a while so I decided to go see some other people?" He answered, a little too quickly.

"Who?"

"Nobody really, just some friends," he muttered before quickly changing the subject.

_What friends? _Thought Lily, and immediately hated herself for it, _Of course he has other friends than just me. I can't actually think that I'm the only person he ever hangs out with. _But the truth was that she did. She always had. It was the same for both of them. They were nice to other people and talked to them and were perfectly amiable, but they never bonded with anyone else. She couldn't think of a good reason why they hadn't, but that was just the way it was. Lily suddenly realized how isolated they had made themselves. _I ought to start befriending other people, _she thought with resolution and continued to walk with Severus.

* * *

The fifth years' enjoyment of a new school year was short lived. After being petrified in every class about the difficulties of their OWL year, they were drowned in homework. Most of them tried to handle it. Take it in stride. But the workload was just too much of a shock. By October, all past routines that fit in leisure time had been given up.

Lily couldn't remember a time when so many of her classmates were in the library at the same time, all rushing to finish an essay or do research. For the first time, Lily saw her roommates fighting over books instead of boys. The Marauders even had to change their ways to fit the new system. That's not to say they stopped their troublesome habits, they just adopted new ones. To make time for their pranks and hi-jinks, the four boys put into practice a new way of what they called "strategic studying". Lily called it procrastination.

They worked on the assignments the same amount as they had in former years, accomplishing little. They only put real effort towards their work the night before it was due. On such nights, the Hogwarts population could find James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter huddled around one table in the library, surrounded by books, then switch to huddling around one table in the common room surrounded by books.

It was on one of those nights that Lily watched the four boys trample into the common room and head straight for the table in the corner. She was currently curled up in the cushioned arm chair by the fire, doing some pleasure reading, thankful that she and Severus had finished that very essay earlier that day.

An hour had passed, an hour consisting of several aggravated sounds and exasperated sighs. Lily heard someone call a study break and saw, out of the corner of her eye, the boys all immediately unhunch their shoulders and push away from the table. Sirius and Peter left the common room muttering something that sounded like "kitchens" and Remus plodded up to the boys' dorms. Presumably to fetch another book. James, left with no other form of distraction, looked about the common room for the first time that night and spied Lily sitting in her chair. He stood, walked around the cluttered table, and made his way towards her. He strode over and planted himself between her and the fire, casually crossing his arms.

"You're blocking the light," Lily informed him in a bored tone, not looking up from the page of her book. He did not respond. She sighed and finally lifted her head, "Yes, James?"

"Evans, I've been thinking," he said, moving from the fire side and falling into the arm chair opposite her. He waited, expecting her to ask the obvious 'what have you been thinking, James?' But she just stared at him with a very passive expression, so he continued, "I've been thinking we should go to Hogsmead together."

Again Lily surprised him, she did not say 'yes' or 'no', but continued to stare blankly at him and simply asked, "Why?"

This threw James. At first he had no answer. It had never occurred to him that he would ever have to explain himself, he wasn't prepared for this, he just wanted to ask her out and get a response. He knew there was a decent chance of being rejected; she had never been all too friendly towards him, but hey, they answer's 'no' unless you ask. But what was this answer? After a few moments of confused staring, James formulated a sentence, "Because, you're Lily Evans and you fascinate me. I'd like to get to know you."

Lily was surprised and a little pleased by his sincere answer. Her expression must have shown it for James lost his baffled look and assumed one of confidence. He continued his explanation, "'Sides," he said, "I think we'd really _get along_." He said suggestively and winked.

The effect that one comment had was instantaneous. The please look disappeared faster than it had come. Lily's eyes narrowed and her mouth pursed. "Well, Potter," she drawled, "I've been thinking. I say no."

She calmly shut her book and stood from her chair. _Elgh, Potter and his arrogance, _she thought disgustedly as she walked away from an offended James.

He gazed after her with a mixture of shock and anger before storming back over to the table and plopping into his original chair.

Upstairs Lily was still irately reflecting on it. She knew she shouldn't be surprised. Potter was always like that. _Always. _But it was that one moment. She could have sworn she saw a shred of truth in what he said. It was nice, what he said before his overpowering confidence came back to him. _Really nice, _she thought before shaking the thought out of her head and reminding herself that she would never see him like that again.

* * *

All prefects hated patrols. They were long, and boring, and cold as the year went on. If it had been appointed to the rest of the school it would have been shirked off or weaseled out of. But these students were prefects for a reason. They did what was asked of them and were generally responsible. Very rarely did a student try to get out of his or her rounds. But sometimes they did, which was why, at this moment, Lily Evans was doing the most dreaded shift of all patrol rounds: The Saturday night rounds.

The sixth year Ravenclaw that was supposed to be doing it, Haley Someoneorother, complained about being sick or something and had been substituted by Lily. So Lily was wandering around random corridors musing about life. The workload was getting better, or at least she thought so. She was also coming through on her promise to herself. She was becoming friendlier with the other people in her year. She had even studied with her roommate, Samantha Berkly, several times. Though, she couldn't help but wonder if this was because of her new advances or because Severus was becoming more distant. He had now disappeared several times after a class to go see 'other people'. The most Lily could ever get out of him was that he was talking to some of his housemates. She didn't like them, and he knew it, but every time the subject would come up, they'd get into an argument. The pair soon learned to just not talk about it and their relationship continued on as usual. _Well, _Lily thought, _Almost as usual. _She sighed.

But her sigh was accompanied by something else. Lily winced. She hated catching people, she didn't like to be mean or harsh, and she really hated having to break up whatever they were doing. Almost all students caught out of bed were couples trying to get some 'alone time'. Walking in on that was just awkward. As she neared the source, something puzzled her. These weren't the usual sounds. These seemed like several low voices, talking. As she rounded the corner or the corridor, she saw Remus Lupin coming at the other end. He was patrolling too and must have heard the voices as well.

They stopped and looked at each other for a second. He gestured at a door towards the middle of the hall as if to ask her if she had any idea what was going on. She shrugged and shook her head. Silently they made their way towards each other and the door. There was light coming out of the crack underneath it and a shadow crossed it. When they reached the room they listened for a minute. Two separate voices could be distinguished, but they were talking too quietly to be heard distinctly outside. Remus pulled out his wand as Lily did the same.

He put his hand on the handle and waited a moment before flinging it open. Several pairs of eyes were on them as the room fell suddenly silent. Lily did a quick scan of the room ready to apprehend. It seemed to be a gathering of a few older Slytherin boys. There was Avery, and Macnair, and… Severus. Lily looked at him in shock, a reprimand had been on her tongue until she saw her friend.

There was a moment of silence before Remus took control, "All right! Everyone out. Go back to the dungeons."

"And what if we don't?" Said Avery, challengingly, fingering his pocket where it was left to assume his wand was placed.

"Put it away Avery. We can defend ourselves fine. Or you can just go." Remus answered with confidence, but raised his wand all the same. Lily was still staring dumbfounded at Severus. What was he doing out past curfew? And with these people? He had left her early that evening in the library saying he was going back to his common room and then to bed early. This was obviously not the case. First the distance, now the lying. Lily became angry.

"What if I don't think you can?" Avery said again.

Lily suddenly found her voice, "Then we'll have it out right here. Pain all around. Some one will find the losers here tomorrow and you'll still be punished and possibly even expelled," She snapped, "_Or _you can just go back now without trouble and just get lines."

The boys shared calculating looks. She had made a valid point. Although they clearly had the advantage, there was no way they could escape blame for it. One of them eventually nodded to the exit and they slowly started moving towards the door. As they passed the prefects they shot Lily dirty looks and sneers. Severus was the last one to leave and Lily grabbed his elbow as he passed her.

"What's going on?" she hissed.

He wouldn't look her in the eye. Instead he looked at the figures walking down the hall, "Nothing." He muttered, "I'll tell you later." He shook off her hold and went to join his housemates, only strolling slightly separated from the rest.

He had promised to explain to her later. But they both knew he never would. And she could never get him to. And so he never did.

* * *

**So sorry I haven't updated sooner. Hit that horrible wall we call Writer's Block. Next chapter should come easier to me, but no promises. Next chapter includes Lily's birthday, and The Fight. You know what I'm talking about. Can't wait to write it. In the meantime, tell me what you think about this chapter.**


	4. The Second Term

Christmas cheer was thick in the atmosphere. The prospect of two weeks without classes and homework lifted the spirits of every student. Laughter rang through the air. Everyone was happy to be there and enjoying their companion's presence. Friends were eager to buy each other candy and treats off the cart. The whole train seemed to carry an aura of love and lightheartedness. The whole train, except one compartment.

For the first time since coming to Hogwarts, Lily was in a compartment alone. She and Severus hadn't talked to each other in nearly two months and she didn't see any chance of changing that situation.

Lily had her forehead pressed up against the glass of the train window, a book lay open in her lap, but she couldn't read it. Every time she picked it up her mind would stray around the empty compartment and remind her why it was empty.

She sighed as she thought back to their last conversation.

_It was the morning after she had found him with _that_ group. Lily hadn't slept at all the night before, her mind racing through possibilities. Some of them were hopeful, maybe they were doing some crash course studying… but she knew these explanations were weak. Deep down she knew what the real reason was. They were up to something dark. She didn't know how serious it was, or why, but it couldn't be good. Lily wouldn't let herself dare to think it had anything to do with the war… that was just… just too horrible. Severus wouldn't let himself be associated with that. _

_It was a Sunday, so most students were milling aimlessly around the castle. Lily, however, had a purpose in her direction. She knew where Severus would be, and as she walked into the library, her suspicions were confirmed. He was hunched over a table, his head low over a book. Lily marched up to him and dropped her books onto the wood surface. They landed with a thud._

"_What was going on?" She whispered sharply. _

_Severus lifted his eyes from the volume he was reading to the one that she had just dropped, but they raised no further._

"_Nothing of importance." He stated._

"_Like hell it's not important!" Lily hissed, "You were caught in a classroom with some of the most notoriously dark people in school in the middle of the night. Don't you dare insult my intelligence and try to tell me that nothing was going on." _

"_I don't think it's your business. And besides, I'm not the only one hanging around worthless people. Berkly ask you to do her nails lately?" He sneered, still addressing her book._

_Her eyes went wide at this comment, "Sam's not worthless or incompetent. The fact that she doesn't get her kicks from cruelty is proof."_

"_And what are the stunts that Potter and his gang pull? Charity gifts?"_

"_Embarrassment and physical suffering are not the same kind of cruelty. And Samantha's not even involved in that." Lily spat._

_Severus snorted, "They're all the same," he said, still not lifting his eyes further than the table._

_Lily stood there flabbergasted, huffing for a few moments before replying in a deadly low voice, seething with loathing, "_They're _all the same? _They! _If you're so eager to judge us collectively than maybe you don't want to be seen with such a Gryf-fin-dor." Lily dragged out the last word as she gave him one last glare. _

_Severus, realizing his offence, finally looked at her full in the face, "No!" he whispered, "I didn't mean it like that! Lils! I didn't… mean…"_

_It was too late. She had already stridden to the door of the library, not even paying attention to his feeble defenses._

"Trouble in paradise?"

Lily's thoughts were called back to the compartment when an annoyingly familiar head popped through the door.

"What do you want Potter?" She sighed. His advances had continued, but that's not to say that he advanced any in her opinion.

"If you would believe it," he explained "I was walking down the train when your open window caught my eye. I then noticed that you were perfectly alone and saw fate give me this golden opportunity, and, really, who am I to disappoint fate?"

She listened to his easy manner but saw how he warily checked for signs of another person. Seeing none, he slipped inside and sat across from her.

"Lucky for you, I can handle fate's disappointment," she told him in a dry tone, "Please leave."

"But I'm great at cheering people up. I've made you laugh multiple times."

"James," she smiled, "I was probably laughing _at _you."

"Ah well," he shrugged it off, "either way, you were smiling."

She smirked and shook her head.

"See! Even now I got you to smile."

"What do you want Potter?" She asked, bemused.

"Back to Potter now? And just when I thought I was getting some where," he said dramatically, "Well, my first concern, of course, when I came in here was your happiness, but now that I see that it is somewhat safe, I can go on to my second goal. What are you doing for the Hogsmead trip at the end of January?"

"So you're back at this again, eh?"

"What can I say, I don't take rejection well. So you'll go with me then?" James was persistent.

"No, I have plans for that weekend." She smiled closing her eyes.

"What plans?"

"Birthday plans."

"Your birthday's the thirty first?" He asked, surprised.

"No, it's the thirtieth, that Friday. But I'm celebrating it at Hogsmead. We always do."

"We?" James was intrigued, "Who's 'we'?"

Lily's eyes popped open. In James' questioning she had almost forgotten that she and Severus weren't speaking. She didn't even know if they still had plans, it was tradition, but they hadn't talked in so long…

"Lily?"

"What?" She answered, sharper than she had wanted to.

"I asked, who are you going-"

"None of your business." There was an awkward pause, then she smiled and continued loftily, "Regardless, I won't be spending it with you."

"A man can always dream." He sighed.

"James!" Someone called from outside, "Where are you, mate?"

James lifted himself and went to the compartment door. He stuck his head out and looked down the train, "I'll be there in a minute Padfoot," he turned back to Lily, "I'll get you to Hogsmead sometime Evans."

Lily chuckled, "Whatever you need to tell yourself."

He smirked before disappearing down the corridor. Lily rolled her eyes and went back to her book, finally able to concentrate. It wasn't until she heard someone cough that she looked up and jumped. A figure was standing in the doorframe, furious.

"Severus!" Lily gasped.

"What was _he_ doing here?"

"So you're talking to me now?" Lily scoffed.

"What was he doing here?" Severus repeated.

"Who?"

"You know who," He spat, "_Him. _Potter."

Lily stared at him, astonished, before replying, "What does he have to do with _anything?_"

"He was in here." Severus said simply, almost childlike.

"So? You don't speak to me for _weeks_ and now you come in like nothing's the matter between us and get angry because Potter was talking to me? I don't understand you, Sev."

"And I don't understand you! We have a little fight and all of the sudden you're chummy with Potter!"

"That's not the point, and I'm not chummy with him. I did just throw him out of my compartment-"

"That's not what I saw. I saw him leave here laughing and talking about you and Hogsmead…" His eyes became wide, "you're not going on a date with him, are you?"

Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Of course not; I'm not stupid- what does that have to do with you coming in here?"

"I'm just concerned with the kind of rubbish my best friend has lowered herself to talking to." His nose was stuck slightly in the air.

"Oh," she huffed, "That's rich, coming from you!"

"I'm allowed to talk to people in my own house!" he defended.

"So am I!" she countered.

They held each other's angry glares before his face softened and he moved further into the compartment.

"Look, Lils, I know you don't respect them, or like them, but I do. They're my housemates, I've lived with them for the better part of five years, I know them better than you do." He tried to explain.

"I know Sev, it's just… I feel like I'm loosing you to them. They're just so different from us, I don't understand…"

"Maybe that's the point – they're different. I can talk to them about stuff that I can't talk to you about."

"Oh," said Lily, slightly hurt, "Like what?"

Severus smiled, "Like how much we all hate the Gryffindorks."

"Oh, har har," she paused, uncertain, "But Sev, that still doesn't explain why you were meeting with them in the dead of night."

His smile faltered for a moment, but he picked it back up as he said, "Well we can't exactly decide on our secret handshake in the middle of the Great Hall now can we?"

Lily was not amused.

"Look, it's nothing. If you want I can sneak you into the next meeting and you can see our super secret and dangerous cloak-and-dagger rituals. You might catch us dancing around the bonfire in our underwear or passing around a box of stale pumpkin pastries. I promise you, we're not doing anything dodgy," he looked at her seriously, "They won't ever change what's between us though, I promise."

Lily knew that he was lying. She wasn't stupid. She knew that whatever he and the rest of the Slytherin boys were doing was against school policy and probably worse. But, she just couldn't bring herself to condemn Severus. Her heart wouldn't let her see anything but the good in him. He was smart and level headed enough, he wouldn't get into any real trouble with this. At least, that's what she told herself.

Finally she smiled, "Dancing around in your underwear? Really, Sev, I thought you had more dignity that that."

* * *

The winter holidays past without any remarkable event. Petunia kept her comments to passive aggressive civility and her nose took up permanent residence in the air. Gifts were exchanged – books and trinkets mostly. Lily received an embarrassingly large box of chocolates from James, for which she had to explain to her father that she was _not_ dating anyone or hiding a boyfriend from him. Her relationship with Severus went back to much the same as it was before, but Lily knew the trust was damaged. She took to skirting around topics that would relate to his housemates. He became quieter every time she ranted about Voldemort and his associates.

The New Year came and settled into the lives of all Hogwarts students. Many realized that they were on the downhill side of the school year, quickly slipping into exams. With this newfound awareness, January flew by and brought the students close to their much needed Hogsmead weekend.

Lily woke that Friday with a feeling of excitement. It took her a moment to remember why – and then it hit her – it was her birthday.

She smiled as she saw the small pile of wrapped gifts on her bedside table.

"Thank you Sam!" She called across the dorm as she held up the small earrings.

"I thought you'd like them. They're supposed to ring every time some one talks about you. I heard it came from a muggle saying…" Samantha explained.

"Ears burning, yeah," Lily laughed, "I suppose it sounds really strange, and painful. Ringing is much better. Thank you!"

Samantha smiled, pleased that Lily liked them, "I'll meet you in the Hall for breakfast?"

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute."

Sam left the room as Lily went to find her toothpaste and brush. Not ten seconds after the door shut, Lily heard excited footsteps thumping back up the stairs.

"Lily!" It was Sam again. She burst back into the dorm room with a gleeful look on her face, "You have to come see this! Potter has out done himself this time!"

"Oh dear," Lily muttered. She warily followed her roommate to the common room.

When she got to the bottom of the staircase she saw many of her housemates standing around, pointing at something. The 'something' soon became quite clear.

There was a banner hung, not above, but _in front _of the portrait hall. The words "Happy Birthday Lily Evans" seemed to wave as if pushed by a non-existent wind. The letters had been charmed to fade to different colors.

Lily rolled her eyes and marched over to it. As soon as she reached for it, the banner jumped out of her reach. She tried twice, but to no avail. Finally she got out her wand and tried to summon it, but still the banner hung there. She growled in frustration.

"Happy birthday, Evans!" called an arrogant voice.

Lily turned to glare, "Take it down Potter."

He was standing at the foot of the boy's staircase, Sirius Black next to him and Remus and Peter behind, one step above. As usual, his arrogant smirk was in place.

"I rather like it there. It took a while to decide on that particular spot." He said lightly, as if talking about the weather.

"I had suggested the Great Hall," commented Black, "But James thought this might be more personal."

"It turned out spectacularly, I think," said James.

"Indeed," agreed Sirius.

"No, James, look," Remus pointed, "You've hung it up crooked."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Very funny boys, I appreciate the gesture, now, take it down."

"I don't think we will."

"Now." She demanded, through clenched teeth.

"I think we should just leave it up there, don't you boys?" James turned to the Marauders.

"It spruces up the room quite a bit," Peter added.

"Sorry, Evans," James said, and turned to leave, he then made a big show of stopping and whirling around, "Unless…"

Lily waited. "Unless _what_, Potter?"

He smirked, "Unless you agree to go to Hogsmead with me tomorrow."

"No."

"Then it stays up."

"Take it down," she repeated.

"So you'll go with me?"

"NO!"

"I'm not taking it down."

Lily glared at him for a long moment. His resolve didn't crack.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, "You're impossible, Potter," She said before crossing the common room and going back up the stairs to the girls' dorm.

Once she had dressed and gotten her books ready for the day, she waited a good half hour before going back to the common room, hoping that some of the spectators would have lost interest. They hadn't.

_At least Potter isn't here anymore_, she thought as she hurried past all of her chuckling and pointing classmates.

* * *

"I got it down eventually," Lily told Severus as they browsed the shelves in Honeydukes.

It was a picture perfect day in Hogsmead; the snow had been building up over the last few weeks and a light snowfall the night before had left every surface with a sparkling layer of white.

As per tradition, Severus was now treating Lily to whatever she wanted from the magical candy shop.

"How exactly did you get it down," He asked her while examining a bottle of Bubble Gum Bath soap.

"Oh, you know, I tried a few charms…" Lily muttered.

Severus raised an eyebrow at her.

"All right, fine, I spent all of lunch researching removal spells in the library. The point is, is that Potter's banner is no longer in the common room so ha ha! I win!"

Severus snickered at his friend.

"Here, I want these," She said, lifting a box labeled 'Sugar Swans'

"What?"

"They swim around and dissolve in your drink to make it taste different; I've always wanted to try them."

"Alright then," He said, taking it from her and bringing it to the counter.

"Thank you, Sev!" she said as they walked away from the register, treats in hand. She kissed him on the cheek and then skipped towards the door, "Come on! Let's go to the Three Broomsticks. I'm dying for a butterbeer."

"Yeah, alright…" Severus muttered, quickly following after her.

Lily welcomed the biting freshness of the cool winter air as she stepped outside. She took a deep breath, loving the scent that only snow can create.

She was enjoying her walk with Severus. The snow crunched under their feet as they talked to each other. It felt good. Lily felt relaxed and happy, better than she had in months. She should have known it never could have lasted.

"Oi! Evans!"

Lily cringed, "Just keep walking," she muttered to Severus.

"Ev-vans!" James called again in a sing-song voice.

Out of the corner of her eye Lily saw Sev's hand to go his pocket. She saw it tighten around his wand. Her brow furrowed. She nudged him and shook her head. It didn't need to come to that.

"Prongs, I think she's ignoring you," they heard Sirius comment with fake shock.

"Of course not," James said, Lily could swear she could _hear_ the smirk in his voice, "She just can't hear me, I'll just have to yell louder and _louder_ until she does. EVANS!"

"Lils, people are starting to stare." Severus muttered.

"EVVVANNNS! EV-"

"What Potter?" Lily called, stopping in the middle of the street but not turning around.

"Well, I was just wondering- will you turn around Evans?"

Lily remained frozen. After a few moments she heard the snow crunching behind her and soon James appeared in her face.

"I was wondering," he started, trying to get her to look him in the eye, "why you rejected me for this slime."

Lily rolled her eyes, "I didn't reject you because of Severus, Potter, I rejected you because you're an arrogant idiot who couldn't recognize charm or civility if it danced naked in front of you."

There were snickers from the spectators around them. James flushed with embarrassment.

"Come on, Sev," she started to step around James, "I still want that butterbeer."

But James moved to block her path. Lily huffed and said, "Leave us alone, Potter."

"I'm still trying to figure out why you would prefer _his_ company to mine. I mean he's a greasy, sleazy, twerp, who would probably die in the sunlight from the looks of it-"

"Shut up!" yelled Severus, pink in the face, he held his wand aloft but Lily launched herself towards him, pulling his hand down.

"Sev, no! It's not worth it."

Severus lowered his wand, still glaring daggers at James. He glanced from Lily to James and back to Lily.

"I don't need this today," he muttered bitterly, "I'm not going to put up with this. I'll see you later." He turned to leave, "Sorry, Happy Birthday, Lils."

"No, Sev, come on, it's just Potter…" Lily said desperately.

But he just shook his head and continued to walk.

"Won't you look at that," James said when Severus had disappeared. He came over to Lily and slung an arm around her shoulders, "To think he would leave you in the middle of the street like that, tisk tisk."

"Oh, shut up Potter!" Lily roughly pushed James away from her and stalked towards the castle. Her face burned red with anger. James had just turned her postcard perfect birthday into yet another fight between Severus and him. The charmingly snow-covered cottages on either side of the street seemed to be mocking her now.

"Don't think you're getting away from me that fast! I didn't just get rid of the body guard for nothing. No, now I get to spend some quality time with you!"

"SHUT UP POTTER!" Lily shouted, walking faster.

"Oh come on!" He yelled to her back. Lily whipped her wand out of her pocket and shot a hex over her shoulder. James yelped jumped out of the way.

"James," She faintly heard Remus comment, "I think this would be an opportune moment for you to _lay low_"

* * *

It only got worse from there – with both James and Severus.

Lily felt like she couldn't talk to Severus about anything. Anytime she mentioned her friends or Gryffindor he would become grouchy and silent. Complaining about James was completely off limits – for even though she had nothing good to say, Severus still accused her of favoring the bully. When she tried to ask him about his housemates, he was extremely defensive and gave her short remarks. If Lily got irritated with his moods and became annoyed he would act bewildered and hurt. Wasn't she supposed to be his friend? Would she rather go off with her Gryffindor friends? Their conversations became limited to schoolwork and the weather.

James became more persistent and obnoxious. He refused to try any real attempt at romance and instead used guilt-trips, blackmail, and bargaining to persuade Lily Evans. It became his second favorite form of entertainment (the first being quidditch and the third being bullying Slytherins). At least once a month the whole school would be abuzz with the latest display of admiration. Nobody took it seriously of course. He was just teasing her.

OWL exams approached. Just more stress to add onto Lily's already weighted shoulders. She found herself meticulously crafting conversations in her head for Severus and planning alternate routes to her classes to avoid Potter. Lily began studying in the rarely used back-corner of the library just to stay out of the common room. When the exams finally arrived both Severus and Potter were too distracted to directly antagonize her anymore, but she still lost sleep at night.

Slowly, the fifth years worked their way through each subject. Charms – done. Herbology – done. Potions – Lily had not felt more confident about a test in her life, done. Astronomy – done. Arithmancy – done. There was just Defence Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration left.

Lily and Severus had tried studying for it together, but stress levels were high and he snapped at her for something, she retaliated, and they parted cool friends that night. So she worked through the exam, occasionally thinking of something they had reviewed, and dreamed of the lazy Summer ahead of her.

When it was all over, she decided not to walk with him just yet. He was still absorbed in his exam and needed space. That's what she told herself.

Besides, the girls were all going down to the lake and Lily just wanted to relax in the sun.

As she walked down the lawn she took time to admire the day. It was a beautiful blue sky, soft breeze, balmy weather kind of day. Perfect. She would study for Transfiguration later.

"Oh! Look! I think the Giant Squid has come to visit us!" Sam yelled.

Lily let out a yelp and pulled her feet up out of the water. Upon looking around, she saw that the Squid had come to the surface but was no where near them. Sam burst out laughing at her angry expression.

"Not funny Sam!" Lily smirked, splashing her with water. The girls laughed at each other in lightheartedness. They only had one exam left! Lily could feel the stress rolling away into the warm grass around her. She had just closed her eyes with a contented sigh when…

"_All right Snivellus?"_

Lily's eyes popped open and she pushed herself off the ground. She looked over to where the voice had come from and saw Black and Potter sauntering around while Severus struggled from some sort of hex. She got up to go help him.

"I'll see you back in the common room, girls."

Of course, Potter had to go and ruin this moment for her. But, it wasn't as if this was something she couldn't handle. She would yell at him. He'd make some sarcastic remark back. She'd throw a hex at him. He'd let Sev go. She and Sev would leave grumbling profanities about Potter.

But it didn't go like that.

She came. She insulted Potter. He asked her out. She insulted him some more. She _almost _hexed him, but he let Severus go with some snide remark.

All this time she was internally fuming. Potter's arrogance was beyond belief. The worst part was that it was encouraged by Black and Pettigrew and the rest of the students just standing around, laughing. How dare he think he and his friends could gang up and attack a person from behind. Who does Potter think he is? He disgusted Lily more than any other being on the enti-

"_I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!"_

Lily froze. In reality, it was only a second, but to her it felt like the last six years of her life were being destroyed right in front of her eyes. She stared at Severus and hunted for some look of remorse in his eyes. There was none.

"_Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."_

She knew he would get the message. He called her the one thing she wouldn't tolerate, so she returned the favor. Potter tried to make him apologize or something, but Lily didn't want that. She knew it was over. She knew it was over before he even called her a mudblood. Lily lashed out at Potter and stalked away.

Before she knew it she was running. Running through the hallways of the castle as if her life depended on it. She just needed to get away from everyone on the lawn. Lily was proud of herself for keeping her composure outside but now she felt her eyes stinging and her face scrunching up.

Finally, after running what felt like a marathon, Lily ducked into an empty classroom near the Ravenclaw Tower, on the opposite end of the castle from both the Slytherin and Gryffindor towers.

The tears came, but they weren't out of grief. They sprung from anger and betrayal.

He had lied to her! Lied to her about everything.

He lied when he told her that being a muggleborn didn't matter.

He lied when he said that they'd stick together, no matter what happened.

He lied when he promised that the Slytherins wouldn't change anything between them.

He lied!

Flashes of scenes from their friendship played over and over again in her head. It was like a movie with the reel spinning too quickly.

Lily could feel the anger building in her gut as she paced throughout the room.

She really wanted to throw something or punch somebody, but all she had was empty desks and a chalkboard.

After it became too much, Lily let out a scream and slammed her fists against the wall. For the first time since Lily was a child, she lost control of her magic, the desks rattled and the glass windows shattered!

Lily looked around in shock at what she had done. Alarmed voices sounded from the grounds outside. Peaking out the window, Lily saw a handful of student pointing up to the classroom. Clumsily she reached for her wand and went to repair the windows. After the last one was mended she leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor.

The release of magic had given her an eerie kind of calm. She could think clearly now.

Severus had called her a mudblood. In front of everyone.

She had spent ages defending him to the other Gryffindors, and every other house for that matter. He was different, she had insisted. If he was a pureblood racist like all the others, he wouldn't be friends with her.

They all told her he would change. He was only putting on an act for her. They had _seen_ him involved in the dark things that the Death-Eaters-to-be were up to.

No, Lily said, it couldn't have been him. They were mistaken. They must have seen someone else. Sev, _her_ Sev, would never do something like that.

She was wrong. They were right. She couldn't defend him anymore. She _wouldn't_ defend him anymore. It was over. Done with.

Lily let out a deep breath and felt her whole body deflate.

Emotions were still running high and low throughout her soul, but she didn't have the energy to deal with it at the moment.

Slowly she rose, left the classroom, and made her way back to the Gryffindor common room.

She crawled past the Fat Lady's portrait and all the younger students to the staircase. Lily collapsed on her bed, unmoving.

She wasn't aware of how much time had passed, she may have even slept for a few hours, when she heard Sam's voice from outside her curtains.

"Lily?" She made no response, did not move, "I heard what he said. I'm really sorry, but we tried to warn you… Lily? Are you awake?"

Eventually Sam's feet were heard scuffling away towards her own bed.

Lily watched the light change in the room. Saw the shadows grow longer and heard everyone leave for dinner. She finally pushed herself out of bed and moved to the bathroom. Once dressed in her pajamas, faced washed and teeth brushed, she crawled back into her four-poster, transfiguration textbook in hand.

She heard her roommates return and held her breath, thankfully, none tried to talk to her again. After an hour or so a small hand poked its way around the curtains and pulled it back to reveal third year Mary Macdonald.

"Lily?" she said, "You need to come down to the common room."

"What for?"

"Snape asked me to tell you." Her voice became meeker under Lily's involuntary glare.

"I don't want to talk to him." Lily said with pursed lips.

"Please, he said he would stay there until you talked to him. I think he said he might even sleep in front of the Fat Lady."

Lily sighed and snapped the book shut. She pushed the curtains out of her way, throwing her legs over the side and standing up.

"Fine, I'll be down there in a minute. Thanks Mary." Lily rubbed her temples, trying to collect her thoughts and emotions. She pulled on a dressing gown and left the dormitory.

Indeed, when she opened the portrait hole, she saw Severus pacing the corridor in front of her. His eyes snapped to her at the sound of the moving frame. Instantly he was before her.

"_I'm sorry."_

Lily stuck out her jaw, _"I'm not interested."_

"_I'm sorry!"_

"_Save your breath," _the fury was building inside her again, _"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."_

"_I was," _he said hastily, quick to affirm his remorse, _"I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood," _Lily stiffened _"it just-"_

"_Slipped out?" _Lily was disgusted. Profanities slip out, muttered insults slip out, words like 'mudblood' preceded by 'filthy little' don't just slip out. Not when the speaker is looking at their victim straight in the face, "_It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends," _Lily paused, giving him some slight chance to restore credibility, he said nothing, _"you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"_

She waited for him to lie, but he just stood there, gaping like a stupid fish. Her worst fears were confirmed. He was going to go join that muggle-terrorizing bastard. Fine.

"_I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."_

"_No," _he desperately tried to stop her, _"listen, I didn't mean–"_

"_- to call me Mudblood?"_ she finished his sentence, _"But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"_

With that, Lily left him standing in the empty hallway, looking after her helplessly. She climbed back into the tower and vowed to herself that she wouldn't put up with him any longer.

* * *

**Wow. So, it's been almost a year since I've updated this. I think that qualifies me to be the worst author ever. Feel free to hang me up from high rafters by my toes. Or worse, don't review! The horror. **

**I do think I redeemed myself slightly with such a long chapter. It's probably the longest I've ever published. I hope you enjoyed it. The last two scenes were written with "A****près Moi" by Regina Spektor in the background. I highly recommend listening to it. **

**If you couldn't tell, anything written in italics was a flashback or taken right from the book. JK's book. Not mine. **

**I promise to update sooner from now on. If you like, go check out my other stories. I'm an L/J freak.**


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